"and so it is...

...just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time...."

you think
you convince yourself
you're not feeling well

and you go home
and you rest
and your cats surround you

and on the tube,
"The Pianist"
and you think...

and thereafter,
"Life is Beautiful"
and you know...

you're not even close
to not feeling well.
you're just wimping out.

good coincidences and snapping out of it--

stepping back

steve informed me a few weeks back that the US Postal service is obsolete--privatize. i said, "here we go". and we laughed. his explanation...it hasn't changed..."some young guy wants to take over the market and...",. i can't help myself, "no one is stopping him". the conversation turns to the postage stamp. and we laugh--and laugh--and laugh. "tyranny" leaks into the conversation, "didn't we start this country by overthrowing the postage stamp?" not quite. but the story sticks, doesn't it?

steve informed me last evening that there are five steps in making a cup of hot chocolate. i think i just looked at him dumbfounded. "are you kidding me?" and he rolled right into his explanation. not much different from the appropriate way to make a cup of tea...but not so american really. (postage stamp theme...the legacy of things that we carry forward).

a few months back while i was on my way out to the bus. steve woke and said,"i was having a weird dream. you were getting ready for work and robin mead was skinny dipping". it's difficult to laugh that hard when you are waking up, but he did (we did). "i think you need to go back and finish that dream." and with a kiss good-bye i was off.

freddie walked in while i was reading and steve was watching his favorite show, "the big bang theory". i don't remember the characters names, but there is a tall guy who is extremely pedantic and all that goes with that type of mind. he ordered a sandwich, but was upset because the order of the meat, cheese, lettuce, etc was incorrect. freddie happened to walk in at the same time i was losing it pointing at steve. "rewind, rewind, rewind". freddie laughs at us. he finds this stuff incredibly fun and i believe uses it as material to amuse his friends. steve finally rewinds after informing us again and again, "there's a really good reason he was that order". we watch the scene again. freddie laughs and laughs and laughs. he says, "you would do that." more laughter. steve as steve says, "wait, let's hear the explanation." and so this character goes on to explain that the order of the ingredients is important because the cheese acts as a barrier between the bread and the lettuce so the bread does not get soggy." steve is victorious. only in the realm of normal--where this order of things isn't even a consideration, there is a flaw. the mustard and mayo are not solids...they are put on the bread and therefore it's just an issue of how much moisture--not the moisture itself.

i think...i know these are the most incredible small things in the world. i wish i had their laughter on tape, the poking, the prodding, the upmanship, the joy. i try to keep it fresh in my mind--this peace and rightness in my world. all the details. the interaction of their neurons firing in every direction at once. to be a part of it--how lucky is that?

very lucky.
incredibly lucky.

made it to the finals

game 2 - hoosiers
game 3 - hoosiers
game 4 - hoosiers
game 5 - hoosiers

game 6 - the final - martin brothers select

good showing for their second tourney

intensity level

watching.

the intensity.

flying through the key.

hand above the rim.

the one handed take down.

constant motion.

full use of the court.

defensive anticipation.

passes that take difficult paths

arriving to fulfill the goal.

all good.
the best.
this intensity.

game 1 - hoosiers

places that once were

somethingreallylovely.blogspot.com

the name made me smile.

it still does.

Far away lunches

There are people you can walk for hours with and never say a word. Pauses. Eye contact and a sense of being completely understood. I rarely wish for lunch to be spent with anyone other than myself. The one time of day when there is nothing but time...to chill...to be...stare at the blue sky or the passersby...wonder about the homeless guy outside.

But what if. What if you had someone who demanded the right stuff? Who wasn't satisfied with what's on the surface...because they say, "There are enough hollow souls--don't you think?"

An edgy sort of intelligence.
The kind that lingers.
A fierceness that plays all the right games...and suffers all the associated pains.

And the solace they find is in their opposite.

We joke about conversion. Glory and rising. There is a seriousness that leaks out. A message. It's not lost, but it's not acknowledged. No sanction granted. I wonder if such slips are a seek and destroy sort of maneuver. An undertone, a challenge, a "everyone has a weak spot".

Am I amused?
Saddened?
Curious?

"Would you stop that!"
Simultaneous laughter.
"When you lunch with someone--you speak. That's what people do."
True. And unfair. This thinking silence.

But it's not hollow. It's ever present.

pastrami!

giggles

Friends of friends

I try not to go there. People say, "You would really like my friend...." And I listen. I wonder. But I don't want to be part of something broader, a web of sorts made of weak linkages.

They can be invaluable. But these associations don't attract me. Smile at all those you meet. Be kind. Yes. But allow time to be demanded of you by others for things outside of your values. No. Time spent on alliances rather than ideas? I'm convinced that I am incapable of such a thing.

And with friends of friends--that's often it. There is this quality about the people you love--your friends--that is absolutely sacred. You pass through each others minds, you walk for hours in silence, you look at some *thing* and simultaneously laugh wildly, or in wide-eyed wonder, or drop tears. You reflect one another. But friends of friends don't necessarily reflect the same particular essence.

Perhaps it's some other part of your friends personality that builds the bridge to the 3rd party. In my experience, this this often the case. When I hear those words, "you should really meet...". I smile the smile. I am curious. I am certain that the connection will not be there. And I respond, "Sure."

But sometimes I am absolutely incorrect.

Today, not certain why, I read through a friend of friend's myspace. His intro, in response to the question, "Who I'd like to meet?", he wrote, "sleeves with hearts on them. wills who throw caution to the wind. vulnerable egos. fearless flyers. long distance runners. hearts split wide open. available emotions. accountable actions. inward gazers. muscles flexible enough to twist into pretzels. fondly thought of ex-es. "

And I continued to read. Followed some links. And read some more.

And I will keep reading tonight.

Perhaps in the future, when someone says the words, "You should meet...", I will query for a web address and walk their lives for a bit. Is that fair? My gut says, "No." But as this person wrote, "fuck. why do i have to be a spitter instead of a swallower? haha! i've been thinking of using that analogy for a while. why can't i just be happy sucking it up and making a good living? why does there have to be the idea that there is more?"

Because there is more.

There will always be more.

no hero in the sky

On the playground, there is always a child who loves to do that thing she can't. But it doesn't matter--she does it anway. Whether skipping or monkey bars or playing tag knowing she will always be "it"--she does it anyway. She is...enamoured by the sensation of being in that moment. She loves it. Unconciously craves its existence--its rightness.

In the sandbox
Once...maybe twice...
Maybe every now and again
She still tries to dig to China

not so vegan

i really like ice cream . . . .

learning

i watched a man
he must have been in his 40s
learning to skip rope
for the first time

and it was awesome

he laughed like he was four
he jumped too soon
then too late
and he laughed

and laughed

and laughed

affirm human potential

"an actively sustained process of identifying one's impressions in conceptual terms, of integrating every event, and every observation into a conceptual context, of grasping relationships, differences, similarities in one's perceptual material and abstracting them into new concepts, of drawing new inferences, of making deductions, of reaching conclusions, of asking new questions and discovering new answers and expanding one's knowledge into an ever growing sum."

intersections

you rang, "lunch with me"
pause, "not today"
"did i say today?"
laughing, "no". and i am reminded of nik and his ever present nikness-quickness.
"so, ja, lunch then--when?"
"plans are never good--i am compelled to flake. human interaction and all that."
"give you 24hrs to prepare."

these intersection points.
the force of personalities.
and wants, wishes--you might say needs.

but this type of lunch
this is the invisible embrace
with long silences
where genuine smiles rule.

done playing

50 Cent, "Don't Push Me"

"These are my ideas--
this is my sweat and tears..."

"Live the questions"

"If we are to survive in the environment we have made ourselves, may we have to be monstrous enough to greet our predicament?"

"It is the everything making sense that is so unbearable?"

--mosley

or are those statments rather than questions....

"Live the questions"

"If we are to survive in the environment we have made ourselves, may we have to be monstrous enough to greet our predicament?"

"It is the everything making sense that is so unbearable."

--mosley

i words

from a very good friend who shares the passion, the grief and the need to see a thing as it ought to be:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdtlZIjdUJk

lovely

Sinead O'Connor's rendition of "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered"

ja rule - where i'm from

thinking of mosely, "what are hopeful monsters?"

and the idea of "mutations...."

i can't help but laugh

there are some things we can't become

it is what we already are

cr photos

cr