To the sweetest boy in the world...cause I haven't seen you in what seems forever...I hear this song and I don't have to think "It must be nice to have--", I have it.
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who understands the life you live
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who is slow to take and quick to give
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who sticks around when the rough times get big
Someone whose smile is bright enough to make the projects feel like a mansion
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who loves you despite your faults
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who talks the talk but also walks the walk
…
Someone who loves you fa'sho and just remember to never let em go
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone you can come home to from a long day of work
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who you don't have to show they know exactly where it hurts
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone who trusts you despite what they've heard
Someone as mighty as a lion but still as gentle as a blue bird
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone you don't have to tell you don't wanna be alone
( MUST BE NICE ): having someone you can grow old with until God calls our home
…
Someone who loves you fa'sho, and you'll never let em go
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Counting down
Odd to think just three weeks . . . and then . . . an absence . . . but a life being lived.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Falling apart
When things fall apart...and you pick up the pieces...and they continue to fall...and the recipient of your assistance refuses to see their internal thinking--evaluate their approach--insistence that they are not responsible...when you continue to pick up those pieces and hope for the best, what are the consequences. I liken this to a form of non-action, a passivity, a watchful eye that is not proactive in anyway. Do you let things fall so far and fast and in some capacity stay attuned to what needs to be done...or...do you push the individual to stand tall, see straight, steer clear...or...what is the appropriate life lesson...unknown.
Striving to keep the internal peace, breathe deeply, find the strength to keep an uplifted spirit.
When does that moment come for most...when the words, "This is your life" means something far more than getting your way and being self-consumed.
Onward.
Striving to keep the internal peace, breathe deeply, find the strength to keep an uplifted spirit.
When does that moment come for most...when the words, "This is your life" means something far more than getting your way and being self-consumed.
Onward.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Auberge
In Mendocino we stayed at Auberge...one of my favorite songs, The Mention of Your Name, is on Chris Rea's album, Auberge . . . coincidences and interlocking memories . . . the difference between what was and what is . . . and the presence of a distant voice in one's head, of memories, of pauses along the way....
Time goes by and every single tear
It must have well run dry
And the lonely nights
Become a strange accepted way
And the years go past
Just like the old song says
The pain with time has healed it couldn't last
But oh a friend like a fool
Mentions your name
Sunny days, drunken nights
You smile and say, it's alright
But oh the cold cold rain
At the mention of your name
Forgive me please
If I shrug my shoulders
When I put my friend at ease
As I get older
It's not that I don't feel colder then before
Oh I've become so good at hiding
What I feel without confiding
It's still the same, darling still the same
At the mention of your name
Time goes by and every single tear
It must have well run dry
And the lonely nights
Become a strange accepted way
And the years go past
Just like the old song says
The pain with time has healed it couldn't last
But oh a friend like a fool
Mentions your name
Sunny days, drunken nights
You smile and say, it's alright
But oh the cold cold rain
At the mention of your name
Forgive me please
If I shrug my shoulders
When I put my friend at ease
As I get older
It's not that I don't feel colder then before
Oh I've become so good at hiding
What I feel without confiding
It's still the same, darling still the same
At the mention of your name
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Cartwheels
In the past week I watched as cars lead the way in front...I looked at the tag only to find myself reading the words "CARRYON" and "HRDWRK2" and I thought--how wonderful...because quite simply that's all it takes and the eyes to see.
We took Friday off and travelled up highway 1 toward Mendocino. We rested on the beach, walked along the coast and in his joy--his lightness, Steve did a cartwheel. It's been some time since we have felt this at ease...a day spent with absolutely no expectations, no deadlines, no interdependence--no meetings!!!!!
The cottage we found by chance was perfect, the natural food store was perfect, the blackberries on the path to the beach perfect, the dinner--was perfect...on the way back we stopped at a couple of wineries and this just added to a more than peaceful, chill, at rest kind of time.
Although we had to cancel Zion due to our projects having tight windows...36 hours of perfect is irreplaceable.
We took Friday off and travelled up highway 1 toward Mendocino. We rested on the beach, walked along the coast and in his joy--his lightness, Steve did a cartwheel. It's been some time since we have felt this at ease...a day spent with absolutely no expectations, no deadlines, no interdependence--no meetings!!!!!
The cottage we found by chance was perfect, the natural food store was perfect, the blackberries on the path to the beach perfect, the dinner--was perfect...on the way back we stopped at a couple of wineries and this just added to a more than peaceful, chill, at rest kind of time.
Although we had to cancel Zion due to our projects having tight windows...36 hours of perfect is irreplaceable.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow - Endymion
The rising moon has hid the stars;
Her level rays, like golden bars,
Lie on the landscape green,
With shadows brown between.
And silver white the river gleams,
As if Diana, in her dreams,
Had dropt her silver bow
Upon the meadows low.
On such a tranquil night as this,
She woke Endymion with a kiss,
When, sleeping in the grove,
He dreamed not of her love.
Like Dian's kiss, unasked, unsought,
Love gives itself, but is not bought;
Nor voice, nor sound betrays
Its deep, impassioned gaze.
It comes,--the beautiful, the free,
The crown of all humanity,--
In silence and alone
To seek the elected one.
It lifts the boughs, whose shadows deep
Are Life's oblivion, the soul's sleep,
And kisses the closed eyes
Of him, who slumbering lies.
O weary hearts! O slumbering eyes!
O drooping souls, whose destinies
Are fraught with fear and pain,
Ye shall be loved again!
No one is so accursed by fate,
No one so utterly desolate,
But some heart, though unknown,
Responds unto his own.
Responds,--as if with unseen wings,
An angel touched its quivering strings;
And whispers, in its song,
"'Where hast thou stayed so long?"
Her level rays, like golden bars,
Lie on the landscape green,
With shadows brown between.
And silver white the river gleams,
As if Diana, in her dreams,
Had dropt her silver bow
Upon the meadows low.
On such a tranquil night as this,
She woke Endymion with a kiss,
When, sleeping in the grove,
He dreamed not of her love.
Like Dian's kiss, unasked, unsought,
Love gives itself, but is not bought;
Nor voice, nor sound betrays
Its deep, impassioned gaze.
It comes,--the beautiful, the free,
The crown of all humanity,--
In silence and alone
To seek the elected one.
It lifts the boughs, whose shadows deep
Are Life's oblivion, the soul's sleep,
And kisses the closed eyes
Of him, who slumbering lies.
O weary hearts! O slumbering eyes!
O drooping souls, whose destinies
Are fraught with fear and pain,
Ye shall be loved again!
No one is so accursed by fate,
No one so utterly desolate,
But some heart, though unknown,
Responds unto his own.
Responds,--as if with unseen wings,
An angel touched its quivering strings;
And whispers, in its song,
"'Where hast thou stayed so long?"
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Great Eatz w/Wonderful People
Ruaidhri has been in town...dinner at LuLu...lots of laughs...talked about his wedding, the trip to Ireland, his buying a flat in London...his bachelor party planned in Spain...growing. He is showing the edgy side, the cofidence, the looking through a person type qualities...enjoy his company. A friend for life.
Charlotte was in from London as well...flying back home this afternoon. Headed to Palomino, first stopped at Boulevard...40 minute wait at half eight...no thanks. Enjoyable meal, laughed heaps about life 10 years ago and the time that has passed in between...great conversation--below the surface, not cleansed, it is what it is--and it's ok. Another friend for life.
I am lucky to have such friends. Intelligent, genuine, striving to live their life in the best way they know how...no illusions of grandeur...I feel their embrace regardless of their location...I have full knowledge that they love me to the core and that I add value to their life. In the book of my life, these names will be written with great happiness and joy associated with them.
Steve and I swam...or more floated about in the pool...exchanged notes on the day...finding ourselves enjoying the time just to be outdoors in the small capacity...45mins, just past midnight, catch up on the day, kvetch about the nonsense and laugh about the ineptitude.
Charlotte was in from London as well...flying back home this afternoon. Headed to Palomino, first stopped at Boulevard...40 minute wait at half eight...no thanks. Enjoyable meal, laughed heaps about life 10 years ago and the time that has passed in between...great conversation--below the surface, not cleansed, it is what it is--and it's ok. Another friend for life.
I am lucky to have such friends. Intelligent, genuine, striving to live their life in the best way they know how...no illusions of grandeur...I feel their embrace regardless of their location...I have full knowledge that they love me to the core and that I add value to their life. In the book of my life, these names will be written with great happiness and joy associated with them.
Steve and I swam...or more floated about in the pool...exchanged notes on the day...finding ourselves enjoying the time just to be outdoors in the small capacity...45mins, just past midnight, catch up on the day, kvetch about the nonsense and laugh about the ineptitude.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Behind
Owe heaps of mails outward...this weekend...must do.
When you are exhausted everything seems quiet...almost as if you are walking about in a bubble, where the sound isn't quite crisp--not muffled, discernable, but as if far away.
Left last evening with the night sky just beginning to come...late dusk, when the sun has it's last impact on water--that final glistening effect where the water mirrors the exact color of the sky a yellow with slight red. Arrived this morning just prior to the sun rising above the hills...somewhat like a Monet painting.
Strange days.
When you are exhausted everything seems quiet...almost as if you are walking about in a bubble, where the sound isn't quite crisp--not muffled, discernable, but as if far away.
Left last evening with the night sky just beginning to come...late dusk, when the sun has it's last impact on water--that final glistening effect where the water mirrors the exact color of the sky a yellow with slight red. Arrived this morning just prior to the sun rising above the hills...somewhat like a Monet painting.
Strange days.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Swimming under the stars
Last week, this week, next week...very busy. I dont think I have really seen Steve for more than an hour here or there. We agreed last evening to meet at home around 1:00am and go swimming. Float under the stars and relax. He was working on updates for Tokyo, I am working on matrices related to processes. Both in crunch time...both driven to some internal goal which I don't have an explicit understanding of other than, "do it well", whatever that "it" is.
The pool was 95 degrees, the night air 65, and the sky--the stars incredibly clear. I think we floated about for a half hour. Shared some conscious quiet time which has been rare these days...our longest exchange in the last week has been about Financial Aid forms for Jefferson. But the pool...the floating on your back, ears submerged--you can hear your heart beat and the sound of your breathe...the inhale and exhale...very quiet...very alive...and all under a myriad of stars...was a very Gattaca-esque moment.
Welcome to the little joys of my life.
Onward and upward with the occasional pauses, with moments of looking back.
The pool was 95 degrees, the night air 65, and the sky--the stars incredibly clear. I think we floated about for a half hour. Shared some conscious quiet time which has been rare these days...our longest exchange in the last week has been about Financial Aid forms for Jefferson. But the pool...the floating on your back, ears submerged--you can hear your heart beat and the sound of your breathe...the inhale and exhale...very quiet...very alive...and all under a myriad of stars...was a very Gattaca-esque moment.
Welcome to the little joys of my life.
Onward and upward with the occasional pauses, with moments of looking back.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
u r <> my means
I know not if this earth on which I stand is the core of the universe or if it is but a speck of dust lost in eternity. I know not and I care not. For I know what happiness is possible to me on earth. And my happiness needs no higher aim to vindicate it. My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose. (Rand 1946, 95)
Friday, July 08, 2005
Long week
Very long week...long days...been home to sleep...but enjoying the challenge...project seems to be on target, but major crunch time next week. Have not run all week--err...and Zion is in less than two weeks. Hopefully this weekend I will find the time.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Packing
Hung out with Eye at Annie's lastnight. Was a good time...seeing her in her element, her true family of friends...people who know her at the core and love her for exactly who she is. She sang "Whisper to a Scream" by Icicle Works--one of my favorite songs from the early 80s. Thank you, thank you.
Heading to Sunol Regional Wilderness when we wake-up. Going to backpack in 12 miles, stay the night and then back out. Thinking of heading to Big Sur next weekend and doing a long long hike. Something I wanted to achieve this weekend...but carrying a pack 12 miles is also on the list prior to Zion.
Heading to Sunol Regional Wilderness when we wake-up. Going to backpack in 12 miles, stay the night and then back out. Thinking of heading to Big Sur next weekend and doing a long long hike. Something I wanted to achieve this weekend...but carrying a pack 12 miles is also on the list prior to Zion.
Friday, July 01, 2005
The Thinker by Berton Brayley
Back of the beating hammer
By which the steel is wrought,
Back of the workshop's clamor
The seeker may find the Thought,
The Thought that is ever master
Of iron and steam and steel,
That rises above disaster
And tramples it under heel!
The drudge may fret and tinker
Or labor with lusty blows,
But back of him stands the Thinker,
The clear-eyed man who knows;
For into each plow or saber,
Each piece and part and whole,
Must go the Brains of Labor,
Which gives the work a soul!
Back of the motors humming
Back of the belts that sing,
Back of the hammers drumming.
Back of the cranes that swing,
There is the eye which scans them
Watching through stress and strain
There is the Mind which plans them-
Back of the brawn, the Brain!
Might of the roaring boiler,
Force of the engine's thrust,
Strength of the sweating toiler-
Greatly in these we trust.
But back of them stands the Schemer,
The Thinker who drives things through;
Back of the Job-the Dreamer
Who's making the dream come true!
By which the steel is wrought,
Back of the workshop's clamor
The seeker may find the Thought,
The Thought that is ever master
Of iron and steam and steel,
That rises above disaster
And tramples it under heel!
The drudge may fret and tinker
Or labor with lusty blows,
But back of him stands the Thinker,
The clear-eyed man who knows;
For into each plow or saber,
Each piece and part and whole,
Must go the Brains of Labor,
Which gives the work a soul!
Back of the motors humming
Back of the belts that sing,
Back of the hammers drumming.
Back of the cranes that swing,
There is the eye which scans them
Watching through stress and strain
There is the Mind which plans them-
Back of the brawn, the Brain!
Might of the roaring boiler,
Force of the engine's thrust,
Strength of the sweating toiler-
Greatly in these we trust.
But back of them stands the Schemer,
The Thinker who drives things through;
Back of the Job-the Dreamer
Who's making the dream come true!
Fellow travelers
if you strip away the labels, isms and meta tags, what are you left with?
or, more to the point, what I am left with? am I strong and free
enough as an individual to survive the loss of all those
crutches and carve out a life of joy and reason
and meaning? can I use my powers of
thought and choice and action
and feeling to seek and
find my own way?
the Greeks said
know thyself.
I know
me.
I know
it is only
my own efforts
that will produce a
life of eudaimonia for
myself and bring joy to those
who are dear to me, that will enable me
to create the kinds of thoughts and words and
music that fire the mind and inspire the soul; to find ever
greater wisdom through reflection on work, love, art, ideas, family,
and friendship; and to realize my vision of a philosophy for living on earth.