I have finished four books this past week and have enjoyed them all. But still…how lucky to have been born and brought up in the States…how fortunate not to have a sense of “duty” that binds one’s life--that holds oneself hostage against one's will.
“interpreter of maladies” by Jhumpa Lahiri
“The Space Between Us” Thrity Umrigar
“Arranged Marriage” by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
“Malgudi Days” by R.K. Narayan
Vid tells me I am missing (at least) half the story if my thoughts are constantly along the lines of one betraying their core being, of a life given to misery by outward compliance and internal chaos, of…. I try to put it out of mind but it is always there in the forefront. I have never known a life where things are to be different from what you choose to make them.
Both of my parents very much believed and stated repeatedly, “The only one you can embarrass is yourself.” In their actions they supported our varied interests, weird friends and my crazy notions of how the world really worked (I think my brother gets the free pass on this one as he identified the “system” at a very young age). They were right and in them I think we had learnt that this life is what you make it. Perhaps their own doubts, fears, failures are the things that drove them to this type of guidance. Maybe it was their errors in knowledge that they did not wish us to repeat. Or maybe, just maybe, it is better to learn from a distance what it is you can become (a sort of false deserted island of oneself) than to embrace and reproduce what has always been.
In reading the above books, although some of the content is universal…even if one has to abstract a bit, other things are concrete and do not translate. And this is what Vid tells me I should focus on, recognize and embrace. “As an American you culturally skim over that as if it doesn’t matter—but it’s all that matters.” We disagree. But her point is wander the details instead of label them. Imagine a world where it is the reality—(because it is)—and then maybe you will see it. We disagree. “You have no idea how to balance two worlds. Zane it doesn’t even occur to you that there are two worlds to balance.” She’s right--it doesn’t (balance two worlds is akin to a split personality--no?), and so we disagree.
I have enjoyed all of the books and looking forward to the discussions, the coffee, the walks along the water. It is not the content of the books themselves but what someone’s eyes say and the emotions they display while trying to find the correct words for the ideas. The intensity, the depth, the need to explain in the most simplistic way the essence of a difference and communicate it in a way that both speaker and listener find themselves staring not at the distance while processing but at each other. That moment—that look, that understanding makes it all worth it.
When I return there is another stack of books on the “list” awaiting me. I look forward to the conversations--the many ups and downs in the dialogue and the moment of resonance that often leaves us silent and walking to no where in particular.