i went north in place of east and then rode south for a bit longer. crowded train...sf to fre...."what are all of these people thinking?"..."were they smiling earlier and they're just tired now?", "what did they celebrate today?" (geb)
did they? did they think today was a day that was to be lived? or did life happen to them? i want to ask, i do ask. my eyes too intense, I'm conscious of this...it's not polite to look at others with eyes that ask questions (it's perhaps terribly unfair). but i want to know. i want to know what drives them, their happiness, their....
i arrived home...reached for the lexicon. there are answers here. values. a is a. values. a is a. values.
words in the valley,
"...we are not those who pretend...."
and onward other words,
"an emotion that clashes with your reason, an emotion that you cannot explain or control, is only the carcass of that stale thinking which you forbade your mind to revise.",
and again,
"an emotion as such tells you nothing about reality, beyond the fact that something makes you feel something. without a ruthlessly honest commitment to introspection--to the conceptual identification of your inner states--you will not discover what you feel, what arouses the feeling, and whether your feeling is an appropriate response to the facts of reality, or a mistaken response, or a vicious illusion produced by years of self-deception..."
...lost in thought. a page turned...perhaps searched for subconsciously.
the lexicon, the page, "sense of life"....