leisure time
rest
no worries
I head to Tuscon on Wednesday evening with Jefferson. I think I have faced a number of the emotions that a parent feels already. A sense of worry, a sense of accomplishment, a wondering how he will be in six months--if the change in him will be visible. I worry about the regular external influences...will he remain true to his core, will he recognize both his strengths and weaknesses--and the best course of action in relation to each...will he embrace his fears and learn from it--work through it--be the person he is capable of being. And I think how I will miss him, of the choices Steve and I made in changing the direction of our lives in order to make the four of us a family. A different kind of adventure than I ever imagined...and one I will miss terribly.
We go to Ireland at month end...spend a week there, and Steve will head home. I am staying on an additional week, planning (altho this may change on the fly) to ferry to Scotland, see Edinburgh, take another ferry to Amsterdam or perhaps Oslo or Stockholm. Something about remaining afloat--perhaps six week indoors has me craving a cold grey misty wind on my face...or perhaps that image represents the sadness I feel in relation to Jefferson--a form of tears that one does not cry...a happy sadness of sorts if that makes any sense.
Begin running again this week and hiking. Welcome the Arizona heat and some of the trails. Back on schedule...more personal time...finish the new Harry Potter book...see some friends that have wondered if I really exist anymore and respond to e-mails over a month old. Do others understand the drive, the passion, the want in terms of one's work...when I look back it is not the detail of the project, but the quality of doing the thing that others said could not be done...not to prove them wrong, but to prove concretely that things exist and can be illustrated quantitatively; that dependence on whim, assertion is not required nor desired--
Errr back on work...circular....Jefferson...work...Jefferson...work...lol...
It will be good get away...to be far removed from the familiar and intensity of work and home. To feel and be in the moment, independent physically and very in tune with preparing myself for the next few months and looking at other opportunities that are appearing before me.
Tomorrow...car service...Tiffanys (o, the blue box and barbie dolls...how I remember them both so clearly from a young age)...and a long walk in the sun!!! A very long walk outside, very very very long walk.