Stephen Covey tells the story of something he experienced while riding the subway one morning in New York. People were sitting quietly---some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.
Suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The father sat down next to Covey and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to Covey did nothing.
Covey was irritated. He couldn’t believe that the man could be so insensitive, letting his children run wild like that. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what Covey considered great patience and self-restraint, he turned to the man and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time. He said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”
Can you imagine how Covey felt at that moment? Suddenly he saw the whole scene differently. Irritation vanished; compassion welled up. “Your wife just died? Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” In an instant, everything had changed.
Where do your unstated presumptions lead you and what judgments do you pass. Think. Then think again. If your life depended on the accuracy of your assumptions…how long would you remain alive?