Not even lonely...or desolate...or...
Over dinner, the wind was hallowing, the snow blowing...at times it was falling across the street lamps...and a part of me thought I would prefer to be walking out there...in all of that...alive.
Business trips...and the company they bring. I am with a group of bright individuals. One guy is off the hook insofar as intelligence--his range and depth, the honest and practical of the business world, the true look at what leadership with vision--a vision of meshing and vetting looks like. Others, still not attuned, still not taking in that things in and of themselves can be great...you just have to acknowledge that there is muck with everything. Those who come in to fight--with an agenda, that carry an attitude of that somehow speaks through their body language and choice of words, "I know better...my way..."; I shake my head without movement, my lips pursed together--thinking...YOU my friend who are not looking beyond this space here and now, who cant get past fear--YOU are living but half a life. How much does this person miss by being so calculated from their secure but fearful base? And then there is another, who is lost, just very lost. The questions a surmising of what was discused a half hour before. A repeating of points, a look of inquisitiveness with no true question there--a person who lacks that gleam in their eye of understanding....just going through the motions.
More thoughts later...I wonder if there will be a day when I look around and feel the embrace of hope--of what can be--of a world of ones making--surrounded by people who fear what is in front of them, but that fear energizes them, that fear is not the enemy--that fear is the reason for moving forward--to strive--to be.
Miss my boys...all of them. I imagine a day when Jefferson and I will have lengthy discussions about the mind, motivation, how he sees others. And Freddie, I miss his depth...when he sits back and thinks through others eyes--and the look on his face, because although he doesnt want to understand--he does...and ultimately he will suffer less as he is far more accepting than a rejector of others. And Steve...halfway about the world...hopefully that trip is going well.
Lots of thoughts. Lots of thoughts.